Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Lost

Our boys are at peace. We lost our smallest son somewhere between 17 and 18 weeks, and our other boys just a few days shy of 20. Working on finding a way forward. It's so hard to go from feeling so full of love and life and hope, to feeling so empty.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Yep, it's true!




We're having triples. Believe me, it came as a shock to us, too. We found out we were having twins at 8 weeks, but didn't find out about #3 until 11 weeks. We had always planned on having only one or two kiddos, so we have been working to absorb the info over the last few weeks. Now that the time has come to spread the news, we're really excited. 

There have been lots of questions about the babies and my pregnancy. I'm just over 14 weeks now, so I'm due in late August, but they'll likely come in early July. I'm hoping to keep them in for 34 weeks, but as I've learned, one has little control over what life hands them. Other than that, I don't feel like sharing much more information. I've quickly learned how nosy people can be about pregnancy, but it seems to be worse when they learn you're expecting multiples. I've had lots of very inappropriate questions asked of me and I've decided I would rather people make incorrect assumptions than keep answering every personal question that is fired in my direction. 

On the flip side, we've been overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of our friends and family thus far. It is difficult to accept gifts and help you know you'll never be able to repay, but we truly appreciate how thoughtful the people in our lives have already been. This whole multiples thing is pretty daunting but having the support of so many people (even though we live nearly 2000 miles away from most of them) really does make it seem easier. Our friends nearby have already offered to help with housework, cooking, and babysitting. Every time someone talks about helping, I tear up. We're so lucky to have good people looking out for us.

That's all the news for now. I'm on strict orders from my doctor to baby myself, so I've been pretty much stuck in our apartment aside from appointments. Seems to me that nap time is calling!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Halloween


So I realize this is super late, but better late than never, right????? First off, I must confess my love for The Nightmare Before Christmas. I've loved it since I was a kid. I don't remember the first time I saw it, but I'm pretty sure it was at my friend Katie's house. I was mesmerized by the stop motion animation, and I've always been a sucker for Tim Burton's style. Plus, it's kind of a Christmas movie, and the only one I allow myself to watch before Thanksgiving. I LOVE CHRISTMAS so any excuse I can use to sneak it in a little early, I'll take.

 I was absolutely perplexed this year when I was ready to sit down and watch the movie and found we don't own a copy. I knew that I had previously borrowed copies from friends through the years, but I was certain I had purchased one for myself last year. Nope. Lucky for me, it was available on Netflix. I mean, I knew they had a 3D show at the El Capitan, but if you want good seats, it's expensive (although VIP ticket price includes popcorn and a drink). The whole month of October I had considered going, but just couldn't justify the expense when I could just watch the movie on Netflix for free.

Enter my awesome husband. Halloween had finally rolled around, and after a little discussion, he declared that we would see Nightmare that night at the El Capitan. A friend of ours finally convinced us when he mentioned the fun effects they add in theater. They make it snow inside! It's really just small bubbles, but beggars can't be choosers.

I'm was pleasantly surprised when award winning organist Rob Richards was playing spooky music before the show. What a great way to start the night!


The inside of the theater was decked out with Nightmare themed swag.



Best of all, we got to check out some of the set pieces and concept art after the show!




I'm so glad we made the spontaneous decision to go. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut of being old fuddy-duddies and forget we live in a city where cool things happen. It's time for us to take advantage of it.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Heh

So clearly I've dropped the ball on my Gratitude Month posts. I've kept up on facebook, but not on the blog. Surprise, surprise.

In truth, I've been trying to keep myself busy, and the blog is usually the furthest thing from my mind. I'm not going to worry myself over posting what I'm grateful for every day, it seems counter productive. So far this month I've been reflecting on big things, like how lovely it is to have four sweet nieces in my life, to the more mundane, like oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. It's pretty much gone the same way the rest of the year has, only now I'm physically typing things out. At the end of the day, it hasn't made a difference in my point of view, because that shifted much earlier this year. I suppose the practice of writing them down makes me less likely to forget a day, but meh.

That being said, I do have a few "regular" posts I would like to get up in the next few days, but considering my track record, I'm not holding my breath. We've been trying to take advantage of the fact that we live in Los Angeles, and there are actually things to do here. Fingers crossed I write it all down before I forget and it becomes lost to the aether.

Friday, November 1, 2013

30 Days of Gratitude

I've been practicing gratitude daily since January 1, but I haven't been good about writing down what I'm grateful for. I woke up this morning and my Facebook feed was peppered with status updates for 30 days of gratitude. I've enjoyed reading the updates my friends have posted in the last several years, and decided to join them this year. I believe status updates are best kept short, so I'll also be blogging my 30 days of gratitude in order to give each day its fair due.

Additionally, throughout the month I plan on writing thank you notes to people who have inspired or helped me in some way this year. This idea is inspired by the Thankful on Paper project I encountered a few years ago on a now defunct blog. The first one I plan on writing is to my father in law, who showed me true kindness and love during my struggles this year.

Now, on to today! This year my New Year's resolution was to practice gratitude every day. I failed often early on, I'm ok with that. Today I'm thankful for that resolution. It helped me get through loss and dark days, and allowed me to focus on good moments as they happen. I am not perfect, I have days when I really just can't leave the house, but those days seem to be happening less often. When I made my resolution I never would have imagined the struggles I would face almost immediately, but I kept working on my daily practice and in time it helped me heal. 

Learning gratitude has also helped me learn how to let go of things, and how to take responsibility for myself and my choices. It has allowed me to let go of toxic situations, and taught me how to stop taking things personally. Again, this is all a work in progress, but I am seeing progress in all of these fronts. 

It's going to be a good November, even if it isn't.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Feeling Good

I spent much of the summer in Iowa as my grandmother was ailing from a broken hip. I wanted to stay long enough to spend some quality time with her, and to give my husband enough time to finally finish his MFA thesis. I returned to California about a week and a half ago feeling better than I have in ages.

I'm not sure what happened in those two months (aside from practicing living life with more grace, as I have been all year), but I feel more like myself than I have in years. Now that my husband has free time again, our relationship is better than ever. Honestly, I didn't even realize how hard it was on our relationship until it was over. I feel like I have my husband back for the first time since he started grad school four years ago. It was always hanging over our heads, and now we have permission to really enjoy our time together again.

I've been applying for work, which feels good. I'm glad for the time I've had off, as it's allowed me to travel to Iowa frequently to help family, but now it's my time to put myself and the family I made first. Unfortunately I've only gotten rejection letters so far, but I'll keep trying. In the meantime I've been enjoying the simple pleasures of living in Los Angeles; ArcLight caramel corn, afternoon naps with my cat, better produce selection at my local markets (look for a post on concord grape pie coming soon!) and last night I got reacquainted with...

Oinkster's ube shake

I think I forgot just how delicious this shake is. And the fries with garlic aioli. And the Oinkster pastrami. Lucky for me my husband has no objections to splitting meals, because I know for certain I couldn't finish a whole dinner there on my own, and it would be a shame to waste any of that delicious food.

I'm looking forward to cooler temps so that I can start hiking and using my oven again, but for now it just feels good to be here, and I'm thankful for that.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

One Lucky Girl

This year has been a tough one so far. We've suffered loss, cried over illness in our families, struggled with questions about the future, and what the universe does or doesn't have in store for us. Through it all, I've been so thankful to have my loving husband by my side.

I've definitely been struggling with some depression since January. It seems like nearly every day brings us a new worry or heartbreak. I started off 2013 with a vow to live this year with gratitude, and even though it has been a struggle, I think I'm keeping that vow.

But I couldn't do it without him.

The day my aunt was laid to rest, I wrestled with the fact that I could not be home to mourn with my family. Later that day we found out my grandmother had fallen and broke her hip. He decided that we needed to get out of the house. He took me to one of our favorite local tap rooms, as my father had instructed me to calm down and go get a beer. We ordered and my phone rang, so I went outside to take the call. When I got back, he handed me this:

It's the simple things that count the most.

He's the sweetest thing.

He really does try to make every day better. 

On June 21, we celebrated five years of marriage. July 1 marked ten years since our very first date.

Being with him was the smartest decision I've ever made.